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THE QUOTE |
THE TRUTH |
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Noted Judge |
He put up our dog |
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Respected Judge |
He put up our dog twice |
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Esteemed Judge |
He puts up anything that crawls |
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Shown Sparingly |
Only when we had it in the bag |
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Show Prospect |
He has 4 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 tail |
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Finished in 5 shows |
And 89 where he failed to win a ribbon |
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He has good points |
His head is shaped like a carrot |
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Won in heavy competition |
The others were revoltingly overweight |
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Multiple group winner |
At 2 puppy matches |
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Specialist Judge |
Puts up anything that looks like his own breeding |
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Well Balanced |
Straight as a stick in front and rear |
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Quiet gentle natured |
After 4 valium |
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Excels in type and style |
However, moves like a spider on speed |
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Personality Plus |
Wakes up if you put liver up his nose |
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Large boned |
Looks like a Clydesdale |
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Good bite |
Missed the judge, got the Steward |
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Lovely head |
2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 mouth, 1 nose |
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Excels in movement |
If he gets loose, put on running shoes |
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Gorgeous Stiff Coat |
If the hairspray lasts until the class finishes |
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Handled brilliantly by |
Nobody else can get near him |
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Won in stiff competition |
Beat 4 puppies and a 9 year novice dog |
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At stud to "approved" bitches |
Those bitches whose owner's Check’s are approved by our bank |
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Linebred from famous champions |
Ch Whoozitz appears twice in 6th generation |
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Good Obedience prospect |
Smart enough to come in from the rain.
But he's UGGGLEEE |
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Terrific brood bitch |
Her conformation is the pits, but she throws big litters |
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Loves children |
For breakfast, lunch and dinner |
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Wins another Best In Show |
His second, under the same judge, our Uncle |
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DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
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It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was
going on down there.
"It's slow here, too", said Satan
"Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun."
"Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got
all the dogs up there."
"I know," answered God, "But you've got all the judges."
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How To Photograph A New Puppy:
1. Remove film from box and load camera
2. Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle
4. Choose a suitable background for photo
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's
nose
13. Put magazines back on coffee table
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No,
outside! No, outside!!"
17. Call spouse to clean up mess
18. Fix a drink
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit"
and stay" the first thing in the morning
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